Holiday Memories

The holidays are a time for togetherness, to share the pleasures of family. They are also a bittersweet time because, in the midst of that togetherness, we are also faced with change. Unfortunately, change includes the inevitable changes that accompany a chronic illness, or the decline and losses of old age. That's just part of life.

The decline that ill or older family members are experiencing can be especially obvious during holiday events. Maybe the aren't moving so well, or aren't as focused, or are showing other impairments. If you haven't seen them for a long period of time, this can be especially disconcerting. It is only human nature to be tempted to dwell on what used to be, and to be filled with sadness and regret. No one wants to be reminded that old age is often accompanied by decline, and that the circle will not be unbroken.

But the holidays are also a time to remember! Past holidays, memories of good deeds and kind words, shared joys and shared sadness. The little and the big things that make up relationships.

Holiday events are a great time to reminisce about the past. And older people often have vivid memories of these shared events, even if they aren't always so good about remembering what they might have done the day before. This is how the human brain works.

Over the holidays, sit down with your family member and share the memories. Conversations starters might include:

"Remember the time…"

"What was it like when…"

"Tell me a story about…"

Or even…

"Thank you so much for the time…"

Who knows, you might learn something new. And chances are, your older loved one will fill you in a few details that have slipped your mind.

And if they have forgotten, then it's your turn to tell a story. Fill them in on a time that you shared together. Remind them of what they have meant to you.

Holidays are for sharing the present, the past, and building bridges into the future.

Share the love!

Sharing the love over the holidays

The holidays are a time for togetherness, to share the pleasures of family. They are also a bittersweet time because, in the midst of that togetherness, we are also faced with change. Unfortunately, change includes the inevitable decline and losses of old age. That's just part of life.

The decline that older family members are experiencing can be especially obvious during holiday events. Maybe the aren't moving so well, or aren't as focused, or are showing other impairments. If you haven't seen them for a long period of time, this can be especially disconcerting. It is only human nature to be tempted to dwell on what used to be, and to be filled with sadness and regret. No one wants to be reminded that old age is often accompanied by decline, and that the circle will not be unbroken.

But the holidays are also a time to remember! Past holidays, memories of good deeds and kind words, shared joys and shared sadness. The little and the big things that make up relationships.

Holiday events are a great time to reminisce about the past. And older people often have vivid memories of these shared events, even if they aren't always so good about remembering what they might have done the day before. This is how the human brain works.

Over the holidays, sit down with your older family member and share the memories. Conversations starters might include:

"Remember the time…"

"What was it like when…"

"Tell me a story about…"

Or even…

"Thank you so much for the time…"

Who knows, you might learn something new. And chances are, your older loved one will fill you in a few details that have slipped your mind.

And if they have forgotten, then it's your turn to tell a story. Fill them in on a time that you shared together. Remind them of what they have meant to you.

Holidays are for sharing the present, the past, and building bridges into the future.

Share the love!

Giving, giving, gone?

The holidays are a time of giving to others and that can be a beautiful thing. But to someone involved in being a caregiver, the holidays can add an additional burden that can make the holidays feel like one big burden. If you are a caregiver, you are most likely trying to balance your caregiving responsibilities with the other obligations that arise during this time of year. You may be doing your own shopping while also shopping for the person you care for, wrapping their gifts as you wrap yours, planning events that may or may not include them. The pressure to keep up your own personal traditions, and to please the people who rely on you, while also keeping up traditions for the person you care for can be draining. I know, I have been there. And so have many of my clients. I would encourage to give up the need to be super________ (woman, man, adult child, partner, etc.) Decide what you can reasonably do for the people in your life and what you can't do. Enlist help. Say no to a few events, or go but buy a pie instead of showing off your baking skills. Also, be honest with the person you are caring for. Let them know what you want to do and can do, and also what you want to do but can't do.

Build in some "me" time -- now wouldn't that be a perfect gift?

Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. Giving until you are angry, frustrated, emotionally and physically depleted... that isn't going to help anyone.

Take time to rest, meditate, get reconnected with your own inner core. You can only do what you can do.