Support

I had a call from someone recently who wanted to join a support group for caregivers.  Unfortunately, she had a time conflict with my group.

But what's important is what I heard in her voice.  She described herself as a middle-aged professional who is self-sufficient, independent, doesn't shy away from challenges.  Or at least, hasn't in the past.  But this was not the voice of a person who feels confident and in-charge.  It was the voice of someone feeling scared, lost, confused.  She went on to say that a sister had been diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and was suddenly needing a lot of support -- physically, emotionally and, at some point, possibly financially.

She had essentially moved from shock to fear, sadness, and anger that her sister's life would never be the same, and her's wouldn't be either.

"I need a lot of help," she said.  "I need support myself."

Admitting that you can't do it on your own is a sign of great bravery.  It is an important first step.  Don't go through this alone!

Patience

Patience.  Of the many things that caregivers need more of, it is patience.  You may feel like your reserve of patience has run out, but you’re doing everything you can to hide it.  You may feel like your reserve is dangerously low, and will soon run out.  Maybe even tomorrow.  It’s hard to be there, day in and day out, over and over, and not have those days when you feel like throwing in the towel, even though you know you can’t and you know you won’t.  Somehow you find it.  It’s only human to feel like you can’t do it much longer, and to just want to holler.  Denying how you feel only leaves you feeling even more drained.  And more impatient.  So take some time for yourself.  Let yourself sit with what a challenge getting through the day can be.  Have a talk with somebody who can listen without judgment while you talk about how what a thankless job caregiving can be, how annoyed and frustrated you feel, how you wish this was somebody else’s job.  Don’t hold back.  Maybe even consider how you might get some help, even if only to give yourself some small breaks here and there to regroup and get back to your center.  Patience begins with yourself.  You are human.  Show yourself some patience.