Friends stick around

Are your friends sticking around while you are distracted by caregiving responsibilities?

Human beings are constantly changing, what they need from other people changes, what they can give changes, nothing stays the same forever. We grow at our own pace, and in different ways from the people in our life.

Sometimes we are ready to relate to people differently, we expect more from them, we wanted to be treated in a different way that reflects whom we have become or want to become. Some of the people in our lives can change the way they relate to us, to move in a more positive direction with us, and others can't or won't because they have too much invest in treating us the old way. Whether it is good for them or good for us. And so the relationship has to end.

It's a sad part of life. But on the other hand, as painful as change can be, it's how we grow. Real friends stay the course with us, even if it's not always smooth.

Getting the Conversation Started

One of the issues that we often talk about is support. Some tell me that their family members are constantly attempting to do things for them, to the point that they are made to feel that they can't do anything for themselves. Others tell me that their families aren't helpful at all.

What I learned is that communication is the common thread that runs through all of these conversations. When one family member is facing mobility issues, others in the household often feel helpless. They are worried about the indiviudal whose mobility is imparied, and so they try to jump in and do everything. In a way, they are trying to make themselves feel better by doing taking control, or at least trying. On the other hand, feelings of helplessness can cause family members to essentially 'run away' out of fear that they might do the wrong thing. They make themxelves feel better by avoiding what they think could be an uncomfortable situation.

The best cure for feelings of helplessness is communication. Have you ever sat down with your loved ones and talked about how you feel, physically and emotionally, and letting them know how they can help? Have you ever asked them about what's going with them in regard to your situation? This might lead to a discussion of how they can help, and what you don't need them to help you with. And it might mean a whole lot less tiptoeing around at your house.

Some of the most rewarding experiences I have had include sitting down with patients and family members and helping them to talk about how they can work better together. If you are having trouble initiating this conversation, you might call upon a healthcare or mental health professional to act as mediator.