Helplessness, part 1

I am referring this posting as helplessness,part 1 because when you are in a caregiving situation, helplessness is that elephant in the room that never seems to lumber off into another room. "Go bug somebody else."

Helplessness is when you sit and you watch somebody you love suffering and because they are suffering, so are you, but you can't make it go away. You can't fix them and you can't make the people who are supposed be fixing them work any faster or smarter. At some point, you might even have to admit that they are going south on you, not getting better and probably getting worse.

Helplessness makes you blow up at something stupid like a nurse's aide who sounds a little grouchy and gives an order rather than making a request. All of a sudden, that person becomes the cause of all of the pain in the world, or at least your pain, and all you want to do is make them feel as bad as you do.

You blow up and it helps, at least for the moment. Then you feel worse the next day, and guilty because you went off on someone. And more helpless.